


the ideal husband

by robsunnies



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Angst, Bad Relationship, Self-Harm, darkish, dennis is mean, i dont know what im doing, ment. of suicide, mention of disordered eating (kinda), this is so messy im so sorry, you may woobify mac... once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 07:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17597138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robsunnies/pseuds/robsunnies
Summary: i found this in my notes months ago and im not sure how i feel about it :)dennis struggles with his inner feelings and mac is left to deal with whatever comes next





	the ideal husband

**Author's Note:**

> title is a song by father john misty

I do everything for him. Goddamn, don't even get a fucking thank you. Says he's depressed, bullshit. He just lays around all day, I do everything for him, so what’s he got to be depressed about? We haven’t even been married a year and he pulls out this card. I have never seen him like this before, that’s how I know its bullshit. I can feel the tenseness run through every muscle in my body like electricity, just thinking about how Mac’s been acting lately.

I let myself further relax into the couch, feeling the coolness of the glass beer bottle on rest on my hand. Just close your eyes and take a deep breath Dennis, no need to get so worked up over something so insignificant. 

A soft door creak and shuffling noise awoke me from my peaceful state. Fucking Mac. I can never win, huh. With a huff of annoyance, my attention is directed toward him, the poster boy of neediness. I’d be lying if I said that the thought of divorcing him didn’t cross my mind. Maureen made a better spouse then him, but I don’t think I can leave him. Because he's so dependent on me. He would be nothing without me. 

And I’ll admit, I need him too. Sometimes. Rarely. Never. Not that I would ever let him know that, it would just go to his head. 

The beginning of our relationship started when Mac came out. I mean, we ALL knew he was gay, like he said, even the balloon kid knew he was gay. he just needed to finally accept that for himself. We started dating a while after that. I guess he felt more comfortable acting flirty around me. And for some reason, I decided to play along in his game which eventually led us to this point. I don't know if I would say that I was “in love” with Mac, but I must’ve been at one, or else why would I have stayed married to him?

Ridiculous, the thought of me falling in love with someone else, especially Mac, is ridiculous. 

But marriage isn’t always perfect and people don't stay together for the right reasons.

Soulmates are a bullshit concept. One person out of the billions of people in the world is destined to be with you forever? Only a fool would fall for that. So naturally, Mac was really into it before we got married. He was convinced that we were meant to be together. I simply don’t believe it. 

Everything from when we started dating to getting married feels like a blur. We didn't date long, we had been basically dating the last two decades we lived together. That pre-marriage phase went by quickly, I don't remember too much from it.

Marriage essentially changed nothing. Everything stayed the same except for one thing: the sex. A lot more sex. Mac knew exactly how to fuck, he had a god given dick. The first time we slept together, I was in disbelief, how had we not fucked before? And his ass. My god his ass. Perfect for plowing. I love grabbing onto it while I bury myself deep, deep inside him. I think maybe that's why we’re still married. Nothing else between us is worth saving.

When we got married, I stopped taking my pills. I felt in perfect control of my body. I didn't need some drug to stop me from any outbursts, I am perfectly capable of doing that myself. I didn't tell Mac, it was none of his business. He eventually found out by himself. We were at a grocery store and they didn't have any of Mac’s favorite beverage, which of course is blue Gatorade. So I, in a way I considered calm and polite, asked one of the workers if they had any in the back. Mac promptly went ahead and dragged me out of the store, claiming that I had “embarrassed him”. As we got into the Rover, he started yelling at me, accusing me of stopping my medication. He was right, but I wasn't going to let him know. I simply tightened my grip on the steering wheel and let him continue scolding me while we made our way back to the apartment. I can always go grocery shopping by myself later. Mac wouldn't shut up the whole ride, bitching at me about how it was important for me to take my meds. Dumbass bitch, how the hell is he supposed to know what's good for me when he isn't even me. 

I somehow managed to get to the apartment without crashing, no matter how tempting it was to crash us both into any incoming semi. When we got home, he got out of the car and tore the whole apartment apart to try and find the little orange bottle. He never found them. Of course, he wouldn’t. I threw them right out once I got my refill. I am in perfect control of my body. 

I watch as he walks out of our shared bedroom and into the kitchen, trying to avoid my gaze. His movements are slow and calculated as he reaches in the cupboard for a cup. As he makes his way to fill his cup with water from the tap, I can feel every nerve ending start to fire. he turns his head around as if to see if I’m looking at him. Once he sees me staring still, he whips his head around. his hands are shaking as he takes small sips from his cup. Pathetic. It takes every single goddamn muscle in me to not fling by bottle against his pretty little head. His face is red and his eyes are puffy. My eyes are rolling so far into the back of my head. 

I can’t stand him. He cries because he thinks I’m “throwing our relationship away” and “pushing him away”. If he could stop getting on my nerves all the fucking time then maybe I would get along with him. But his constant bitching about my “well being” has me sick. Yes, Mac, I do eat just enough to keep myself going. No Mac, I’m not going to continue taking my medication, there’s no need if I can keep total control at all times.

 

-

 

The sun is piercing through the curtains, blinding me from my current position on the bed. Has the sun always been this bright? I turn my head and watch Mac use my arm as a pillow. He’s on his side facing me. We fought last night. I came home drunk and was phasing in and out of reality. I just remember taking a few steps into the doorway and my body hitting the ground. Hard. All hidden feelings I felt about him were flowing out of me like a river. Mac threatened to kill himself. He said he was tired of being treated as something that you just throw away or something like that. That bit sobered me up a little. How is it that he wants to end his life when I only have given him the best? When I do so much for him? I slapped him. You can still see the mark on his cheek. How can he say that shit when I'm right here? Am I not useful to you? How do you think I feel? I'm fucking stuck in my head all the time. Mac is so ignorant, he doesn't really care for me he just wants to make sure that I'll be there to care for him. I'm fucking angry.

Calm, Dennis. Calm.

I can't bear to look at him any longer. His head makes a small thud when it hits the pillow once I take my arm back. My wrists are itching. My hands feel like they're about to fall off if I don't do anything. Scratching up my wrists seems like a good idea. Shit no, Mac would notice and try to send me away. I can't be an inpatient again I can't. 

Breathe in, breathe out. I sit at the edge of the bed, the only thing that pairs well with the overwhelming feeling of cutting my wrists is a killer hangover and lucky me, I have both. I feel a soft touch on the bottom of my back.

"Den..? Everything okay?" 

I close my eyes and slowly inhale. Put on that pretty facade Mac likes so much. With a small smile on my face, I turn my head.

"Yes baby, I'm sorry I acted out yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you. It won't happen again."

We both know that was a lie. 

But still, his brown puppy dog eyes are filled with hope. It's disgusting. 

He sits up next to me and grabs my hand, placing soft kisses on my knuckles. 

A voice in my head tells me that Mac in no way deserves to have hell brought upon him when things don't go my way. But I don't listen to it. I never do. 

Mac hugs my torso and whispers "I love you".

I wrap my arms around him and press a firm kiss to the crown of his head. Most people feel their chest "expand" or whatever when they hear those words, but to me, they do nothing but rattle in the empty cage that is my chest.

**Author's Note:**

> i accidentally made dennis a little more twisted and just ran with it. i wrote a lot of this months ago, but just recently found it and (hopefully) improved it a little bit. i dont know if this makes any sense at all and i apologize profusely if it doesn’t.
> 
> if there's anything i can do to improve, constructive criticism is welcome :^) writing is not my forte nfkjfkj


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